It's so hard to keep up the routine - I think I've missed a few days, imagine I don't even know just how much. So, not only have I delayed, but I've also missed my daily deadline.
Now, I don't need to be beating myself up about this, but at the same time I want to take appropriate responsibility for what happened over these days.
This is an orchid which my student brought me last week.
I've no knowledge of how to grow an orchid, so it will be interesting to see how long it survives. My sister said orchids like to be soaked periodically, rather than little and often.
We'll see
Certainly discouragement was part of what happened. And that discouragement originated with with those unexpected large items that turned up.
Just thinking of this, I become aware of the part that expectations and disappointments played. Interesting to look at those two words:
discouragement and disappointment.
Discouragement is familiar to me, I've looked at it before, and tried to think how do I take away my own courage - where is my courage 'stored', and how does part of me 'raid the store', and steal some of the courage? How do I make myself feel scared, and now unwilling to take the risks that I was willing to take a short time ago.
Disappointment is different, and I'm only thinking about it now - perhaps there is some context in it of 'I made an appointment with someone (even myself) and I feel sad that the appointment/event didn't happen'.
Recovery suggests that if I didn't have expectations, I wouldn't have disappointments/frustrations.
I've tried not having expectations. It's not easy. Of course, as always, its all in the 'self-talk'. I have to include a lot more 'maybe it won't's and 'perhaps it mightn'ts, and especially a lot more 'I don't know's, I'm not sure's, and 'I don't know the future's!
As I said, it really isn't easy, especially when I really want the event to happen.
So I've decided that resolving to make an entry every single day in the years that are left to me is a bit unrealistic. So although when I get back into routine again, I will work towards the 70 repeats of the behaviour to make it a new habit, when I fail on occasions, I will allow myself to be 'average', and start soon again, hopefully next day.
But the weevil stuff is urgent - so first thing when my back is stronger ....
Well, I was rushing to get ready, and hurt my back, so I didn't get to dance after all.
But the images above, although not really about WITOT, are there to cheer me up.
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